Partially lit

Sometimes I like to drive to the temple and just sit in the parking lot. Actually, I do this quite often...
I come here for alone time. I come here to ponder. To read my scriptures. To sing primary songs (don't laugh). To eat granola bars. All the important things in life! 

This last time around was an experience I felt like sharing.

I had just finished a wonderful night out with a dear friend. I was feeling good, but, to be totally truthful, I had a rough week. There were many things on my mind. I was planning on going to the temple the next morning, but, I just couldn't wait. I made another drive to the temple.

I arrived a little after 10pm, the parking lot was mostly empty, and the temple lights were turned down. I drove around the parking lot a bit, seeking the right spot.

After many minutes of my indecisiveness, I found a spot around the south side of the temple.

I sat in my car for a couple of minutes, letting my mind race through thought after thought. I didn't know where to begin. Many of my goals seemed to be falling through, I felt the pressure of challenges ahead, I thought about close friends and families members who were in need of guidance, I thought about how I myself was in need of guidance and assurance, and of the assistance I needed in overcoming inadequacies. Completely overwhelmed, I began to just pour my heart out to Heavenly Father.

Every single thing I was feeling, I told Him.

A couple of minutes later, I found myself staring straight ahead. I wasn't exactly staring at the temple though.

I was staring at a handicap parking spot positioned right in front of me.

My thoughts were turned to limitations. Primarily the limitations I have that were overwhelming my mind; whether they be physical, social, spiritual, or limitations brought on to myself by fear or feelings of inadequacy.

At first I didn't understand. I had just prayed, asking for direction and comfort. Why was I being reminded of things I already knew, and didn't want to be defined by?

But, as in all things, patience was key.

Next, I took sight to the temple, which was right behind the handicap parking spot. I now had the bigger picture in view.

I looked up at the temple. Oh, the Gilbert Temple. It looked so beautiful. I was overcome with emotion over it's glory. It stood so tall and pure.

It shined so brightly to me, even though it was not completely lit up. But it was enough.

And there was my comfort.

The temple was beautiful and glorious, strong and stable, tall and pure, even though it was not completely lit up. The light it did shine was just enough. It was still glorious despite it's nightly limitation of light.

I found peace in the tender mercy that was sent my way this night. It was a perfect manifestation of God's love, and Christ's enabling strength.

It is okay to be partially lit. Those small lights found in the dark of night will always be cherished. That is the light that keeps us going when we are otherwise in shadows. Those are our lights that have the most strength, burn the brightest, and will not be dimmed. There is always a little bit of faith to hold on to. And that is enough.

Longboarding Life Lessons

One February night, many moons ago, one of my best friends, Devin, asked me for one thing I have always wanted to learn how to do. After seconds of deep review...I told him about how I wanted to learn how to skateboard. When I told him this, I meant to express my aspiration in a "someday" kind of sense.

But lucky me, the goodly lad happened to have a LONGBOARD in his car. I suppose there is no time like the present...

Before we called it a night, I became acquainted with said longboard. I mostly just stood on it while Devin either pushed or pulled me along. Quite the pro, right? 

A few weeks later, Devin reminded me about how I needed another longboarding lesson! Oh goody! And, he had just replaced the wheels, so now the longboard could go even faster! ...Double goody! I accepted my future of dying in a freak longboarding accident, and gladly accepted another lesson.

We set out for lesson numero dos on a slightly chilly, and somewhat soggy March eve. This time around, I actually made more progress! It was a grand ole time, and from it, I learned many a thing! Turns out that I didn't just get longboarding lessons, I got some life lessons. Good job Devin!!! There are 5 key points I learned from my longboarding adventures. Here they be:

1. Trust. Our previous "lesson" just included me standing on the longboard, and Devin being my source of movement. Our location of choice was also the street in-front of my house, so the terrain was rather mild if I do say so myself. This time around, Devin brought me to a spacious park with some nice sidewalk dips. I daresay, I was rather nervous. Before making me go down by myself, Devin suggested that we both get on the longboard and go down together. I agreed, feeling I would be safe. That is, until I asked him if he had ridden on a longboard with another person before...and he said "No". It was then that I had to trust him that I would be alright, and should anything happen (like us crashing and burning for example) he'd protect me. We continued longboarding together for a few minutes before it was my turn to venture alone. Once again, I had to trust that I would be alright, and that if I fell, Devin would only laugh for a couple of seconds before coming to my aid. I made it down just fine, and was starting to like the thrill.

Sometimes life can seem very scary. Thankfully, we can put our trust in Heavenly Father. We can trust him through the scary dips in life. When this trust comes alive, we will realize that we are not alone, and that we are being aided and guided along. Even when we do feel like we are crashing and burning, we can trust that we can find healing through the Savior. This trusting can bring out joy even through the obstacles of life.

2. Proper Balance. I quickly learned that balance was important, even just to stand on a longboard. At least it wasn't as unstable as a skateboard! Devin would tell me about my foot placement, and even about leaning to certain sides in order to steer. I practiced leaning every which way before proceeding in motion. We moved to parts of the park that didn't just have dips, but had curves. Did I make it out alive??? Course I did...because I wrote this.

Balance is so important in our lives. First, we must start with a firm foundation, like...the rock of our Redeemer. We are promised that if we build on the foundation of Christ, we "cannot fall". I think of "leaning" as becoming familiar with different principles and areas of the gospel. When we practice our leaning, we exercise our faith in those areas. Then, when the road of life gives us dips and curves, we are prepared with our firm foundation, and various testimonies of truth.

3. Avoid puddles. Puddles? But weren't we in Gilbert, AZ? Why yes we were! But remember I said it was a soggy night? That is because it rained like crazy the night before. So there were puddles. Along with my steering through the sidewalk, I had to use my techniques to avoid the puddles. Didn't want to get the longboard all wet. I also did not want to get all wet, because then Devin might think I'm an unusually sweaty person.

Life has its share of puddles. They are not as apparent as curves and dips, and sometimes you can't even see them. They are the small and simple things. They can even seem harmless, because, it's just a bit of water. Right??? But when puddles creep up on you, next thing you know, you have soggy shoes AND socks. Ain't that the worst? Puddles may seem fun to spash around in, but you could easily become saturated in dirty water. Avoid these seemingly harmless puddles in life, because they can end up making you more miserable than you think.

4. Lean forward. Throughout this longboarding experience, Devin had to keep telling me over and over again to "lean forward"! I had a tendency to lean back. This was mostly out of fear. But Devin assured me that I would get better action if I would lean forward. How true that was! When I chose to lean forward rather than back, the experience was all the merrier, and I had better control of what was coming in my path.

Sometimes in life, I tend to be fearful of what is ahead of me. I dwell on the frightful experience of the past, and give no room for hope of the future. This is a dangerous thing. It keeps us from progressing. We must move forward with faith. When we move forward in life, and look up rather than down, we develop into who we can become, not who we currently are. We can change and be better. We can be happier. We can do incredible things.

5. Have Fun! I learned that what I thought would be such a difficult and embarrassing activity for me turned out to be really fun! Sure, I might have almost tripped a couple of times, but that was okay! Devin and I had a jolly good time and got in a good dose of laughs!

I think it was President Hinckley that said "Life is to be enjoyed not just endured". And then there is Elder Wirthlin's famous quote "Come what may, and love it". In life, we have to make the choice to have fun, and be happy. We can find light in the dark night, we can smile on our worst day, and we can laugh through our tears. "Men are that they might have joy"!

Well there you have it! All in all, this experience was one of my favorites! We had such a jolly good time, and he brought me home alive and well! I enjoyed this so much, and got a lot out of it! I'm so thankful to have a amazing friend like Devin who is patient with me, and who took me on an adventure to learn something new!

So next time you want to explore the meaning of life, grab a longboard and start cruising! 

Dips in the Road

Have you ever been on a road-trip, where, maybe a few hours into the drive, you encounter some dips in the road?

I sure have! Recently, my family made a trip to Utah. We got to experience many dips in the road.

I am one of those people who loves the dips in the road! I love that tingly feeling I get in my tummy that makes me feel like I'm at Disneyland! When my dad is driving, he likes to speed up to make things extra fun! Plus, if there is a dip in the road, the terrain must not totally be flat and boring, which means that there is some of earth's surrounding beauty to admire. Oh, it's a grand ole time. I sure am grateful for the dips in the road!

But what about the dips in my road? The dips in my life's path? Am I as excited about those? Should I be?

Almost never at first! These dips are scary and get me down! I might still get a tingly feeling in my stomach, but it's more of a "Steer clear, I'm about to hurl" rather than "I am really enjoying myself at this moment".

Why is there such a difference in my feelings about these to situations. They are similar in purpose, are they not?

Maybe it's all about the perspective.

Those fun little dips in the road just give me a taste of the joy and excitement I can have once I reach my destination. They give me a little bit of experience and prepare me.

The dips in my life also prepare me! They prepare me by making me stronger. They teach me love, patience, compassion, faith, hope, endurance. They even teach me happiness, I just have to look for it. Yes, the dips in my life prepare me for what I can become, and what I was designed to be. They prepare me for when I meet my next destination.

Next time I feel like I am traveling through another dip in my roadway of life, I'm going to try thinking about the joy that lies ahead instead of feeling weighed down. I'm going to try being grateful instead of wondering why. I am going to try laughing instead of crying. Instead of closing my eyes, I am going to look for the beauty that still surrounds me.

...Because I'm grateful for the dips in the road.

My Milk Mercy

Tonight, my mom reminded me that I was out of milk, and that I needed to go get some. I'm glad that she gave me something to do. Earlier today I was supposed to go help out with a service project, but I somehow forgot that I had a school assignment due at 6pm, so I had to stay home and do that. Since I missed out on the service project, I had this feeling of emptiness, like I hadn't done anything productive in the day. This feeling was starting to grow into a plain negative and low spirited vibe, so I was happy to follow my mom's orders and get out.

"Where to go?" I thought. I could go to Frys, which is so close, I could go to Walmart, or I could go to WinCo!!! I thought driving by the Gilbert Temple would lighten my spirit, so I eliminated Frys from the mix, and now the decision was between Walmart or WinCo. Well, WinCo has the word WIN in it, so that should obviously be my choice if I want to be a WINNER at life, right? Plus, it's way more spacious than Walmart, and I like spacious buildings (as long as they are NOT Great and Spacious Buildings). 

Once I got to WinCo, I traveled the long journey through the store to where the milk is located, grabbed my lactose/fat free carton, and traveled back to the front. I usually like to use those fancy self check-outs, but to my dismay, they were closed for the night. There was only one register open, so I got in line behind a woman with a large array of groceries. Not only did she have a lot of groceries, but A LOT of coupons to go with those! And there I stood, with my one carton of milk...

Finally, the long line up of her groceries was nearly over, but then, that woman received a phone call. Oh goody! I could see the annoyed look in the employees eyes as she struggled to communicate with the woman that her coupons were not valid. I heard the man standing behind me comment on how rude it is when people are on the phone while going through the check-out line. I was starting to feel impatient myself, but as I listened to the woman's phone conversation, I could tell that there was some distress in her voice. I overheard her mentioning a couple of medical terms, and asking whoever she was talking to if her daughter knew about this. 

The employee was still annoyed as she waited for the woman to pay for her groceries, and her annoyed state only grew stronger when the woman gave her the wrong amount of money at first. Finally as the employee was giving this woman her receipt, the woman hung up the phone, and then apologized. She said she was sorry for her behavior, and that she had to take the call because her husband was in the hospital. The employee just nodded and pointed to where the woman's groceries were (because at WinCo, you bag your own groceries). 

Next the employee quickly rang up my milk in less than a minute. I walked to the bagging end, to grab my milk and noticed that the woman with the endless amount of groceries had not even started bagging hers yet. I asked her if she would like some help, and she looked up at me and said "Oh no thanks, I've held you up enough." with a little nervous laugh, but her eyes were watery with tears. 

When I see people cry, I get all choked up myself, (and I was already a little choked up from not being in the brightest of moods), so all I could do was smile at her, and completely ignore her rejection to my help. Thankfully, she didn't get upset, and just let me help her. We also took her groceries out to her car. When we were all finished up, she thanked me. All I said was "Oh, no problem", but I wish I would have told her that I was the one that needed to be thankful. 

This little experience at WinCo is what I needed tonight. It gave me an opportunity to serve. It helped me steer my thoughts away from the things that were pressing on my mind, and filled me with love. It reminded me of the importance of being faithful, kind, patient to anyone we meet, because we don't always know what kind of day they have had or what limitations they may be struggling with. Marvin J Aston said:“If we could look into each other’s hearts and understand the unique challenges each of us faces, I think we would treat each other much more gently, with more love, patience, tolerance, and care.” And just like with others, we need to be faithful and patient with ourselves, and the circumstances we experience everyday, because we don't always know what is in store for us. We can't always see through Heaven's eyes. We don't always know Heavenly Father's plan for us at the moment, but He is always in control, and His plan is always perfect. 

Love You Forever, Like You For Always

First things first: Happy Valentines Day!!!

Back in the elementary days, I remember my mom taking me to Target (or some place of the like) to pick out valentine cards to give out to my classmates. The decision was always crucial. You wanted to go with something fun, clever, containing a hint of cuteness, but not too overbearing! And unless you wanted to be teased, anything with "Nick Jr." characters on it was a definite "no-go". 

Yes, I would dare to say that Valentines Day is stressful for even the little ones. Not only was there the stress of giving out your valentine cards, but there was the pressure of receiving a valentine from everyone else in the class as well. "Wait, Sally didn't give me a valentine...Does she not want to be my friend anymore? Is she gonna kick me out of the 'Harry Potter reenactments club' at recess now!?!? No! I make a great Hermione!!!" And once I got a little older, and it was no longer the thing to distribute valentine cards, "candy grams" were thrown into the mix. As if it isn't bad enough to not receive a candy gram from anyone, but do you have to deliver 8 to Sally right in the middle of class? Haha. 

Despite the content of my last two paragraphs, I don't hate Valentines Day at all! Sure, it can be awkward at times, but it really is such a fun day! I appreciate the love and friendship that is shared and noticed on this day! I'm grateful for my mom, who likes to make heart shaped sugar cookies. for my dad who always buys flowers for my mom, and who has kept the tradition of buying me a valentines teddy bear each and every year (I have quite the collection...haha). I'm grateful for my brothers who...uh...well...I'm sure they love me and don't hate me... In general, I love all the love that is shared on this day! 

So, what is LOVE? 

No, not "baby, don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more."! 

Is love what we see in the movies? Is love taking a bullet for someone else? Is it just something we say? Is it really liking someone, but only when things are smooth sailing? Is it proven by giving our older brother a back massage? (Scott seems to think so). 

When I was little, my mom used to read my brothers and I a story book by Robert Munsche. To this day, it is still a favorite of ours! It is called "Love You Forever".

The story starts out with a mother holding her new son in her arms, rocking him back and forth singing:
"I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My baby you'll be."

The mother continues to sing this song to her son throughout his life. Even with the craziness he brings during his various stages and phases, she takes the time to express this love. This continues until the mother herself becomes old and ill, and the son is able to drive out to her house, rock her back and forth, and sing the special song.

This story has always warmed my heart as I've though about the immense amount of love that this mother had for her son. Now that I'm older, it reminds me of the love that my mother and father show me, even though I am no where near perfect.

Over the course of the past year, I've had the opportunity to experience two challenges that have caused me to feel very unloved at first, but then have grown into a "proving" of how loved I am. The first was an especially challenging time in my life, and I'll admit that I had never felt so broken-hearted or completely shattered. Even though that doesn't sound too comforting, I couldn't be more grateful for that time, and for the experience I was given. During that time in my life, I learned how much I really need Christ. I have always believed in Christ, and loved him, but during that time, I felt my trust an faith in the Savior grow, my gratitude overflow, and felt his enabling strength fill my soul. I know He lives, and that He never leaves us alone. He is peace. Christ's love says "I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always."

Many months passed by, and Heavenly Father's plan for my life continued, with new challenges and opportunities. Then came the 2nd heartbreak. I tried to be calm, but it was hard to accept that something like this was happening again. Before I had the chance to tell anyone of my news, my mom walked into my room. Once she saw my face, I knew that she knew what was happening in my life. She held me in her arms while I let out some tears. She even sent my brothers up to comfort me and make me laugh. That night, I remember my dad looking me straight in the eye and reassuring me that I was a beautiful Daughter Of God. Even though my heart now felt empty again, the way that my family cared for and uplifted me at that time seemed to say "I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always." 

Throughout my life, Heavenly Father has sent me little messages of "I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always." He has sent it through trials that have helped me grow and given me experience, and he has sent it through the many joys of my life. He has sent it through things that are deep and personal in me, and he has sent it through the people I meet in my life. He has also sent it through his Son.

"For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life." (John 3:16)

Christ was the perfect example of love. His love knows no bounds. This love of Christ is true.

"And charity suffereth long, and is kind, and envieth not, and is not puffed up, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil, and rejoiceth not in iniquity but rejoiceth in the truth, beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.

Wherefore, my beloved brethren, if ye have not charity, ye are nothing, for charity never faileth. Wherefore, cleave unto charity, which is the greatest of all, for all things must fail—

But charity is the pure love of Christ, and it endureth forever; and whoso is found possessed of it at the last day, it shall be well with him." (Moroni 7:45-47). 

Charity is the most important kind of love we can every give or receive. It is the foundation for the kind of love that states "I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always". I am so grateful for the many times in my life that I have received this love. I receive it on a daily basis. I receive it through Christ, I receive it through my family, I receive it through friends, I even receive it through complete strangers. Am I giving as much as I receive? Better yet, am I giving more? 

I hope I can always remember to be charitable in all I do. I know it changes lives, because it has sure changed mine. Charity can be given to all. It can be shared in our friendships with others, it can be shared by the way we communicate with strangers, it can be shared when we choose to love those who may have hurt or disappointed us, when we choose to laugh things over instead of getting upset at someone, and it can be shared within our intimate family relationships. Jeffrey R. Holland talks about the need for a Christlike love in our intimate relationships in his talk "How Do I Love Thee?". http://speeches.byu.edu/?act=viewitem&id=326

I wish everyday we would remember to express love as we do on Valentines day. I guess it's just like Christmas, how we focus so much on the Savior during that time, but Christ should be a focus everyday as well. I am so grateful for all the love I have been shown in my life. Even the small little acts of love have made the hugest difference in my days. 

So Happy Valentines Day everyone! Don't forget to tell and show someone "I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always." 

-Nicole :)

* I would like to point out that I have nothing against Sally. She is a fictional classmate.